But I need a place to talk freely.
Organized chaos.
I haven’t used this in a while.
I thought this would be easier than being so far away.
Maybe it is. But being in your room, laying in your bed, surrounded by everything you when I’m trying as hard as I can to not think about you is harder than being in washington trying not to think about you. I hate that I stay up an hour later than you crying, unable to stop my thoughts. There has to be some way to make these thoughts stop, because fucking christ i can’t handle this shit much longer. I never used to get this unhappy. And even when I try to have a simple conversation with you to distract myself, I feel like I’ve done something to make you not want to talk to me. I just want to be happy. Stay happy. I wish you could see that I need help. I fucking hate this. I want to be able to go home, and sleep in my bed. Maybe this was a bad idea moving in with you. I thought it would be everything I needed, but now I’m trapped around everything of yours when the only thoughts of you i can think right now are ones that kill me inside and make me just want to go away.
I keep falling harder and harder for you and it’s scares the living hell out of me.
I don’t know if I like being this much in love. I hate needing someone so much that I hurt when you’re gone, even when I’ve had so much of you. But at the same time, I love it. I love having someone that I feel so strongly for and that feels the same way back. I’m just scared, I’ve lost all control.
Shitty feeling.
When your girlfriend tells you over and over again to leave her alone and she doesn’t want to talk to you. And to know that you’ve never wanted that, never said that to her. Especially when every fight you beg her not to leave. My heart feels so empty lately. Things are about to change, because I can’t do this anymore.
If it were possible to explain with words this would be easier, but i’ll sure as hell try.
I feel so attached to you. I know i’ve been PMSing all week and maybe it’s made my emotions towards everything flare up. But today was exactly what I needed. I needed to know that you’ll still help change things to make me feel better. Even if it’s just trying to text her less when you’re around me, you said you understood. And that’s really what I’ve been needing to hear. That I’m not being crazy, because every fight we got in made me feel worse and worse. I hate how possessive I am over you sometimes, I never mean to take it out on you. I’m just horrible at sharing you, even with your friends. Because I always want all of you to myself. I can be tough to handle sometimes, I know that. But I want you to know that you do a fucking amazing job at it. When I was with you tonight, laying in your arms as you calmed my tears and reassured me, I realized just how lucky I am. I just do not get it. I don’t get how I could be this lucky, how I could find my soulmate at 17. 16 actually :p. I always brag about you to everyone. I tell them how incredible you are, and how you seriously could have been picked and chosen from the Characteristics of Brynna’s Dream Girl Encyclopedia. Because that’s exactly what you are, my dream girl. It’s been more than a year and a half that you’ve been mine, but every day that passes I want you more and more. I want your infinite kisses and affection, I want endless cuddles, and to fall asleep in your arms. I’ve never known a feeling as fucking extraordinary as being tucked away in your arms, cuddled into your neck with your fingers tracing down my sides. I just wish there was a way to show you how much you mean to me, how much I truly care. It’s terrifying sometimes, knowing all the control you could have over me. But I know you. I’ve known you for a long time, and i know you better than anybody does. And you would never take advantage of that. You would never hurt me. And I would never hurt you. We’re safe with each other. I’ll spend forever with you, that’s a promise. Until the last day of my life, you will be mine. I will make damn sure of that. Nobody can love you like I do, what I feel for you, is completely unmatched by anything even capable of loving. I’m completely in love with you. The past almost 2 years have been the best of my life, and that’s only 2 of maaany more years we will spend together in love<3
This is how everyday goes.
You trying over and over again to leave. me crying and begging you not to leave me. but you need sleep all day everyday.
I’m tired of my girlfriend always trying to get rid of me. so many times a day I hear how you don’t want to deal with me and how all you want is for me to let you go. I’m tired of always fighting for you not to leave and feeling unwanted. you’re my girlfriend, you’re not supposed to try to leave everytime things get rough. you told me that you would talk to me Friday because you’re going to your friend’s party on Saturday. and now you just pull it back and want to go out, only for you to come home late after not being able to find a ride. and then wanting to sleep and getting upset with me for not wanting you to fall asleep so soon.
I guess I should just get used to my girlfriend always just wanting to go away from me or not talk to me if things aren’t running well. this is fucked up. I’m so tired of crying over you.
And I can’t hang out with Miranda because it reminds you too much of what you fucked up, and makes you feel too bad. but if you’re there, it doesn’t matter if I hang out with her. bullshit reason if you ask me. if that was the real reason you couldn’t hang out with her with me.
I make sacrifices for you too.
It’s not like all i do is take. I do SO damn much for you too. You make me feel so bad sometimes. I do more than you even see, more than I tell you, only to protect you.
